Thursday, March 31, 2011

堕落

原来堕落也可以是一种幸福。

在那个夜黑风高的晚上,被欲望蒙蔽的心,委曲求全地让任那仅剩的理智逐渐地被吞噬,也让我第一次尝到堕落的滋味。

它,不苦,也不甜,却充斥着淡淡的薄荷味。

一个渴望已久的场景,竟然在毫无预警下出现。是感动,也是幸福。

可惜,这种幸福,转眼即逝,犹如昙花一现。

难道我就没资格拥有永远的幸福吗?

也许,只有在堕落时,我才有能力抓住幸福的尾巴,就像飞蛾扑火,尽管遍体鳞伤也在所不惜。


Wednesday, October 6, 2010

心灵寄托

理智,似乎与我搭不上任何关系。我往往都在冲动的催促下做决定,更改决定,甚至放弃决定。爱一个人也一样,因为爱所以爱,结果糟蹋了无数的心思与泪水。这应全归咎于‘感性’,这两个字的极端表现是‘情绪化’,也因极端的感性让我被剥夺了享受生活的权力。它,令我终日郁郁寡欢,甚至扭曲了我的人格- 这是我与朋友们促膝长谈所得到的结论。

如何解救我于这水深火热之中呢?我必须找一个心灵寄托,把全部的注意力聚集在那一个心灵寄托上,以冲淡我对生活中种种的不满,接而享受当人的乐趣。但,我要的心灵寄托又是什么呢?是人,是物,抑是宗教信仰?这是我一直在探索的。

我希望它会是个人。因为我希望我给予他的寄托会得到回应,实实在在的回应。我希望他是一个心智比我健康的人,可以为我分析我的问题,进而引领我去解决问题;我希望他拥有与我一样的兴趣爱好,那我们可以高谈阔论共同的话题;我希望他也可以把我当成他的聆听者,与我分享他的问题或喜悦,毕竟这是交心的必经之道;我希望他会回复我所有‘感性’的留言或短讯,因为那时肯定是我很脆弱的时候;我也希望他会留意我的近况,就像我留意他的一样;最后,我很贪心地希望他是个单身主义者,那么他对我的重视就不会因他的老公或老婆而减少。哈哈

以上的种种阐述,似乎是择偶条件。非也,非也。伴侣绝不可能成为我的心灵寄托,因为感情的牵绊只会让我的理智腐蚀得更快。而那防腐剂必然是伴侣以外的好朋友。但,心灵寄托的定义因人而异,彼此之间的界限必须拿捏得宜,以免侵犯了对方的私人空间。这是我一直踌躇不前的原因。浩,伦,仪,都是可以交心的朋友,但我还有一道心墙必须去跨越,才能让我赤裸裸地把自己交给他们其中一个。(哈,不知他们是否愿意收留生病的我。)

写着,写着,我已忘了写这篇文章的初衷。反复地念着以上的文字,才发现自己是很理智地在完成这篇文章,少了以往那任性的煽情文字。这是我在逐渐康复的现象吗?


Wednesday, August 25, 2010

甜蜜

久违了的甜蜜,就像好久不见的你,又再次地出现在我的生命中。
那一夜,第一次的‘亲密接触’,那种幸福感依旧在我的心中迴荡。
对你而言,那可能不算什么;但,它却对我意义深长。。。
每次靠近你,你的脸庞,声音,呼吸及发丝,都成为了我酝酿甜蜜的主要成分。
我对你的爱慕从不宣于口,但情愫却日趋深浓。奈何,那一条朋友的界限深如鸿沟,我无法也没勇气去跨越。。。

暌违了一年,再一次的‘亲密接触’,溶化了我那早已冰封的心。
你,依旧是那个从前的你,那个曾让我无法自拔的你。
我清楚了解,我们是两个世界的人,我只能把那份倾慕之情转换成对你的祝福。
因为你值得拥有更多,更美好的人事物。
我要谢谢你,曾经为我做的一切,还有你留下的记忆,让我可以细细地回味一辈子。
我答应你,我会为你祷告,因为你的快乐是我开心的泉源。。。

Tuesday, June 29, 2010

I dont want to talk about it

I can tell by your eyes that you've
probably been crying forever
And the stars in the sky don't mean
nothing to you they're a mirror

I don't wanna talk about it
How you broke my heart
If I stay here just a little bit longer
If I stay here won't you listen to my heart
Oh oh my heart

If I stand all alone will the shadows
hide the colours of my heart
blue for tears, black for the night
fears the stars in the sky
don't mean nothing to you they're a mirror

I don't wanna talk about it
How you broke my heart
If I stay here just a little bit longer
If I stay here won't you listen to my heart
Oh oh my heart

Sunday, May 16, 2010

到不了

泪,成为了我最不值钱的东西。
一首歌,一句话,一段新闻。。。都能让我热泪盈眶。
或许,我真的压抑了自己太多的情绪,稍有不慎便会全数决堤。
尤其是在准备考试的那一个月,考试压力,家庭问题,再加上多愁善感的自己,几度频临崩溃。
每天入睡前,都希望自己可以不再醒来,因为我没有能力去负荷所有落在我身上的担子。
我不能去伤害父母所赐的身体发肤,惟有祈求上天让我在睡梦中离开这片不属于我的天地。
很天真吧?情绪出现裂痕,真的很骇人。。。

我要谢谢Ashley打来那通慰问的电话,那让我的情绪得到抒发,尽管那时我很不礼貌地挂了他的电话。因为我不想让他听到我在哭。 他让我在无助彷徨时,得到一丝丝的温暖。谢谢!
本来打算与一班姐妹们在考试后一起唱K聚餐,当作是最后一次完整的聚会。
无奈,事与愿违,大家都有不同的Plan。我已想好了准备在当晚对他们说的话,想在‘朋友’这首歌的陪衬下,一一道出我的心声。
现在,我只能凭文字寄意。

Golden Flowers:曾经觉得你们与我中学时的那班好朋友很相似,与你们相处很舒服。甚至想成为万丛花中一点绿。可惜,你们之间的Bonding太强了,我根本无法加入。或许,你们都太棒了,个个精明能干。不过那也好,我毕竟是个男的。希望我们的那份友情会是永远的。

Aiwui:你是一个很好的朋友。可惜,我没有好好地珍惜。我曾经漠视你对我的关心,一味地认为那是烦,那是对我私隐的侵犯,因为我不喜欢对任何人交待。谢谢你曾经给予我的关心,还有那篇文章。对不起,我让你失望了。不过,我今生已没有遗憾了。只希望你能找到适合你的那个人,因为你值得拥有。


JBC E-10:我在英国的家人。真的很感激你们,在我为伙食烦恼时,毫无犹豫地伸出援手。你们就是这样的朋友,有义气,很豪爽。不过,我也想向你们道歉,因为我不定时地将负面情绪带到饭厅,让你们承受了不应拥有地负能量。尤其是对欣怡,我真的很内疚在意大利那不经意的一指。我想,你应该是忘了。但我对我做过的错事依旧耿耿于怀,很抱歉。还有,也想谢谢欣霓聆听我的彷徨,我的迷失。你们是我永远的家人。。。


SINYE:红颜知己,永远都是那么地乐观。谢谢你的对我的关心。很高兴能拥有你这位朋友,也很开心我从未做过伤害你的事。你要永远保持那颗赤子之心,让这世间多一分温暖。

你们的出现,完整了我的一生。我只希望你们能拥有美好的未来。

我找不到,找不到那片我曾经憧憬的天地。
我等不到,等不到那段我向往的美好时光。
我到不了,永远都到不了幸福的国度。。。




Friday, March 19, 2010

久违了

久违了。。。
刚看完美人心计,心情蛮沉重的。
今天是我大学生涯中最后一天上课,我也希望这将是我人生中上的最后一堂课。 因为我那好学及勤奋的精神已消失无踪。
虽说这是最后一堂课,但接踵而来的不是FUN,而是烦。
一份要人命的研究报告,五张操控生死的大考试卷,将置我于长达两个月的人间炼狱。
我本应埋头苦干,但我就是犯贱。在压力当头时,我会更沉迷于娱乐。讽刺吧!


我是真的累了。
没有斗志可言,现在只是苟延残喘,希望可以安然度过这关口。
我不可以再让自己胡思乱想了,我要用美人心计,星光及康熙来麻醉自己。
我会尽己所能,履行我的职责。请有灵性的您为我加持吧!
因为现阶段的我最需要的是精神上的支持。


Saturday, January 30, 2010

Another Birthday Suprise

Thanks to my friends for giving me another birthday suprise.
It was indeed a SUPRISE. I never thought of that.
This birthday POTLUCK was hold on the day after my birthday.
It was funny when i got scared by them...
Actually there was a video recorded, but then there's a problem for uploading it here.
well, u guys can click on this link http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?v=app_2392950137&ref=profile&id=569353687#/video/video.php?v=278977166159
if u are interested to know what did they do!!!


POTLUCK!!!! Thanks to ChoongLii for bringing the PRAWN MEE from chinese restaurant....


A Birthday Card from all of them.....


Loads of wishes from my dear friends....


My present- Gift card of Buchanan Galleries. I can shop until i drop leh....thanks


Leckas (a guy in black)...thanks for coming, although u went back earlier...



Feel so sorry to Stella (girl in white). I forgot to take picture with u...pai sei...


Stella's bf-Kang Kang. He was mine on that day. haha. Thanks to Stella for being so generous.
Oh well, he used to be little brendan. So, i deserved it. Stop blaming me. lol


Jason- Organizer of my birthday celebrations for these 3 years. Thanks a lot!


Kayin- a sweet girl who likes to sing!!!


Xinyi- She's always a LALA mui. Thanks for cooking different kinds of yummy malaysian food to satisfy our desire . Ahem, she's still available. Let me know if anyone of you interested in her.


Jacqueline-a happy-go-lucky girl. She has her own fashion sense. ''Jac, u look good in your own way. Dont get influenced by my sesat theory.''


Xinni- she is my mui mui. Thanks for being my listener and advisor. Let go all the unhappy stuffs, be happy lo. *smile*


Zelia- a blurred queen. but, she seems like having some improvements recently. haha. I would never forget the moment we get conned by the ''pigeon watcher'' in Milan. LOL


Sinye- a great friend of mine. She's so caring and loving. LAI ER BU WANG!!! i owed u a lot of ''thank you''... She's available too....


Ashley- a smart girl. She prefers to be together with animals rather than with me. So do i. I would prefer to be gay eventhough if she is the only girl left in this world.


Michelle- SLOW is the best adjective to describe her. haha. She's a nice girl without any temper. Very comfortable to be her friend.

Sean aka Mafia- a good bf. According to his gf, he's as emotional as me. haha. well, i think both of us quite the same...we are not good in socializing because we are SHY... lol

Wei Luen- a good speaker. He's so so so creative and so so so smart. There's nothing to be worried about while working together with him.

Jeannette- a cute girl. She likes food and Michael He. Oh ya, she's my junior from JIT SIN. but then, currently she's my coursemate. haha.

Chew Ning- Ketuang. She's creative and good in dancing lo. A les partner of jeannette.

Sherrine- another les partner of Jeannette. She likes FOOD a lot, but she cant touch KIWI. She is my symbiotic partner in IPL lo.

Chan Wai- a shophaholic. He's good in singing and cooking. Oh ya, you will laugh out loud when he's cursing someone. all our lab mates could be the witness lo.

Ai Wui- a ''desperate'' girl. I know she will scold me kuat kuat when she read this. haha. ok la, she is pretty, hardworking, elegant..... the most important thing is she's still available. Trust me, she would be a nice girl friend of you, dont miss the chance ya. haha.
Ken- a cute guy. He's caring, responsible and gentle. Thanks for organizing the europe trip. Hope that he can meet his dream girl soon.

Andrew- our class rep aka my ''lou'' gay partner. He's perverted, hamsap, dirty-minded... haha. He's intelligent and helpful. Glad to be his gay partner.


Renly- golden flower. A lovely friend of mine. She was forced to dance JaJamBo when partnered with me as emcee. I hope that she can get married right after we graduated.

Poh Yee- golden flower. A manly girl who is very smart and effecient in doing anything. She's a great singer as well. Yet, the best thing that she ever do is being my friend. haha. she knows why.

Wenyi- golden flower. I called her mummy. She's expert in baking cake. A great sing-K kaki.

Chin Yeong- another great friend of mine. She's caring. Thank you yeong yeong.

Cheh Hsia- Yeong's bf. He used to be my HAO NAN REN. Sam Lee's ''Cha Jian Er Guo'' was our theme song. haha.

Sivaraj- another great speaker in P107. He's good in drawing and writing, an artistic person. But, i dont know why he still denying that i am more lengzai than him.

Choon Hau- a funny friend. He always comes out with some funny thoughts or funny sentences. Hope that he can get his xiao nv ren soon.

Wai Jane- a SEXY+PRETTY girl. She must be happy when she read this. In fact, she is just as superfacial as me. haha. She's a good friend indeed.

Group picture....cheeseeeeeeeeeeee
OMG!!!!!!!!!!! i spent 3 hours in writing this post... now almost 4am in UK. Good night lo.
Thanks agian......

Thursday, January 28, 2010

25 VS 19


Thanks to wenyi for making this cake. It's yummy!!!


4 Golden Flowers + 1 Paku-pakis. Very glad to have u guys as my friends



I am very versatile. I can kiss a girl....

or a guy.....p/s: but not for every guy or girl.

sometimes i allow people to kiss on my hand... thanks to chuan

the 4 girls in my family....the moments we had dinner together were memorable....


My best emcee partner. She's also my Da Nai.


Kang Kang. Thanks for allowing me to molest u. LOL


My current housemates. Thanks for organizing this celebration.


They are Penang kia. Both of them are cute and funny. they like FOOD a lot.

Another group of JI Mui.... thanks for everything

生日是一个很好的借口来让自己偷懒,蹉跎岁月。
我已正式地踏入25岁的关口,那意味着身理将开始老化,好可怕哦!
我很不习惯成为焦点(至少不要因为生日而聚焦),我会不知所措。虽然这不像是历经沧桑的我会说的话,但那的确是事实。说实在,如果因为我的造型而聚焦,我还乐于接受呢!

今早,一入讲堂就接到了无数迎面而来的祝福,我除了说谢谢,还是谢谢。
谢谢大家那么地有心意,记得我的生日。全托FACEBOOK的福啦!
还有FACEBOOK上的留言,MSN及手机短讯。
谢谢大家。
谢谢大家让我知道,原来我是没有机会忘记自己的生日。

当然,少不了那班愿意牺牲睡眠,冒着冷风来我家给我惊喜的朋友。虽然我是有喜无惊咯!
很好吃的蛋糕,很配合的康康,很窝心的祝福语,还有未收到的礼物。我猜,应该和往年以往,给我大红包。哈哈。恭喜发财!
大家对我的期望是:不再EMO,不再单身;那真的是无独有偶!
我的生日愿望也一样。。。
希望借着大家的力量,上天会施舍我,让我美梦成真。

我想,今年会是我最后一年庆祝生日了。因为年纪大了,没啥好欢庆的。
不过,我还是希望在来年可以收到秘密小礼哦!哈哈
最后,送上最真诚的‘谢谢’给每一个你。。。

ShoutMix chat widget